I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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