No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
