i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
