Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
