i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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