The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
