I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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