A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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