your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had to cum in my sink.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
