Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
