Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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