Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
