This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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