Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
