Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
