I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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