I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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