I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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