Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
