just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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