he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
