Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
