Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
