I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
