I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
