even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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