How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
