The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You ate ashes out of my bong
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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