it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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