My first STD was from a foam party
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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