So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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