Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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