Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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