I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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