We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
