I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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