i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
