i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
