i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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