And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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