how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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