After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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