Are we in a gay sports bar?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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