Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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