We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
