it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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