I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
