Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
