Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
