i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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