i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh god it's open bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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