I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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