Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
